A Watery Grave
As I was growing up I felt such guilt and felt so much shame for the abuse I had experienced. My wounds were so painful that I had an emotional shut down. The deep wounds in my heart kept me from being free to Love our Father, myself, my children or anyone else.
My ignorance combined with my wounds were a destructive bomb. I had built a wall around myself to keep from being hurt. I pretended to be tough, yet I felt fear within me, I carried a handgun and would not let my guard down with anyone. I felt I could and would defend myself from anyone else who wanted to abuse me.
I went to church every now and then-I knew God existed, but my question was “if He exists and is all that, why am I a victim.” I lived in a state of confusion….being raised in a Roman Catholic Religion, how is it there is a God-He heals, yet I was told we would be going to “curanderas” for healings.
A couple of years ago my a very dear person would repeatedly ask me “Do you know God.? of course my answer was yes, I had been told he was always with me and I would be sent off to church or some kind of church class.
I had become a magnet for domestic violence relationships, through the many beatings and broken ribs I felt I deserved being treated that way, I felt unworthy and the words spoken to me during my childhood were alive in my heart and in my mind.
A little over a year ago I began to experience what it is to have a relationship with Christ. Through the prayers of my brother’s and sister’s in Christ I am happy to say “this captive has been set free and delivered” from the dark world which I had been a part of for almost half of my life.
Lord, mold me, shape me and use me to be an instrument of Your works, to follow through with the plan You had for me when You created me in my mother’s womb. Father, we give you ALL the HONOR and GLORY, we thank You for your grace and mercy and ask that You continue to guide us to do Your work. AMEN.
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. . (Philippians 4:4-9)
- Posted in: Prayer Request